Under Construction

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about where I went wrong.
Nothing seems to work out for me, and when it doesn't, I get really disappointed and down on myself.
Well, I'm tired of it.
I'm tired of never feeling good enough.
So I've decided to change a few things.
Sure, I've always believed in God, and I spent most of my life in church. But it's been a long time since I've had an actual relationship with Him, and I'm ready to get that back. I'm giving up a lot of things I feel like are holding me back. Basically, I'm just ready to be a better person.
A few days ago I decided I'm going to eat healthier, exercise more, and hopefully lose 10 pounds. Tonight I dyed my hair. The next step is to reconstruct my insides to match the way I want to look on the outside. I want to look and feel healthier and happier, and hopefully in time God will bless me with a job and a boyfriend who also has a strong relationship with Him. I'm sick of wasting my time on loser guys who have no goals for their life and waste their life away partying and slacking. I'm ready for a real man. But I'm also sick of chasing after guys, so I'm done. Of course I'm not going to stop noticing when a cute boy is within close proximity, but if he wants to talk to me then he'll find a way to talk to me. And if he's worth my time, maybe I'll give it a shot. I'm ready for a new love, but before I can find love with someone else I need to focus on my love with God. First God, then school, then derby, then maybe someday-a relationship with a guy. I still have a lot of trust issues and a lot of healing to go through, but I have a feeling things will be better from now on.
I'm still going to be me, just a newer version. One I will be proud of.